WE NEED MORE LOVE IN OUR COMMUNITIES.
The Goal of African American Matchmaking: To Help You Find a Loving Relationship!
In The Ecstasy of Surrender: 12 Surprising Ways Letting Go Can Empower Your Life, author Judith Orloff, M.D. devoted a chapter to letting go of any patterns that keep you from loving. In her own words:
One of these patterns in being drawn to unavailable, commitment phobic people. It’s important to be very clear about what constitutes an unavailable person so you won’t be fooled by their charm or potential.
12 SIGNS YOU’RE ATTRACTED TO
EMOTIONALLY UNAVAILABLE PEOPLE (EUP)
Here are some red flags to watch for. Even one sign warns you to be careful. The more that are present, the more danger exists.
They are married or in a relationship with someone else
They can’t commit to you or have feared commitment in past relationships
They have one foot on the gas pedal, one foot on the break
They are emotionally distant, shut down, or can’t deal with conflict
They’re mainly interested in sex, not relating emotionally or spiritually
They are practicing alcoholics, sex addicts, or substance abusers
They prefer long distance relationships, emails, texting, or don’t introduce you to their friends and family
They are elusive, sneaky, frequently working or tired, and may disappear for periods
They are seductive with you but make empty promises–their behavior and words don’t match
They send mixed messages, flirt with others, or don’t give a straight answer–you’re always trying to “de-code” what they really mean
They’re narcissistic, only consider themselves, not your needs
They throw you emotional crumbs or enticing hints of their potential to be loving, then withdraw
Does any of these sound familiar?
For those Black women who’ve tried their hand at finding love online, the results may not be all that surprising. But the racial breakdown of desirability is certainly intriguing.
Buzzfeed produced a video to explain the findings of the many studies on racial preferences in online dating:
Advice from African American Matchmaking:
Break out from the the mold of expectations, assimilation, wanna-be behavior, doubt, and insecurity by being yourself.
Keep the faith and keep Black love alive by doing something different, not just online dating.
We know that Black women are desirable and have been for centuries. Don’t allow dominant culture beauty standards confuse you with erroneous social comparisons and avoid over-reliance on technology when dating.
Know your worth and find a partner who does, too.
In her new feature photo shoot for the beauty and fashion magazine Violet Grey, actress and director Angela Bassett goes bold in sexy black lingerie and talks about what it takes to be a woman of strength, but she also talks about her most vulnerable times:
V.G.: WHO MAKES A GOOD DATE TO AN EVENT?
A.B.: A friend or a sister. I mean, the husband is always great, but there is something about a girlfriend…
V.G.: WHAT DO YOU SEE WHEN YOU LOOK IN THE MIRROR?
A.B.: A passionate woman who knows what she loves and has been blessed to be able to do it…and continue to do it!
V.G.: WHAT IS YOUR GREATEST WEAKNESS?
A.B.: Love…and sugar.
V.G.: WHEN DO YOU FEEL THE MOST VULNERABLE?
A.B.: When I’m told I can’t do something. When I’m told I’m not good enough, that I can’t have something, can’t go somewhere, especially because of the color of my skin.
Hiding secrets from your spouse is never a good idea and the foundation of a healthy relationship is trust. The truth will almost always reveal itself eventually. But that doesn’t stop people from trying!
*Whoa! According to one new study, 25-percent of married couples say that they hid (and are still hiding) something pretty major from their spouse. And 42-percent say they doubt they will get caught.
What is this costly secret that could potentially be a marriage deal-breaker? The study says it ranges anywhere from money troubles to infidelity to (gulp!) a pornography obsession.
And yes, these secrets have (and do!) cause the bearers many sleepless nights.
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People in loving relationships are generally healthier. On the other hand, people in ambivalent relationships have significantly higher risk of heart disease according to a recent study from the University of Utah. Lack of support increases stress, which affects the functioning of your heart.
The Center for Disease Control (CDC) reports heart disease as a leading cause of death for all African Americans and THE leading cause of death for African American women. Several medical conditions and lifestyle choices also increase risk: diabetes, overweight/obesity, poor diet, physical inactivity, and excessive alcohol use.
In academic and research circles, this direct correlation between your love life and heart disease is relatively new. It confirms our holistic life experience and highlights the importance of having authentic love in our lives, not just for our mental and emotional health, buy also for our physical well-being.
Most of us enjoy flowers. They stimulate many of our senses in a positive way, all at once. Flowers are beautiful to look at, smell great, and feel soft.
Most people feel happier when they receive gifts and giving flowers is one of the most popular gifts that couples exchange. You can stare at flowers and always see something new, smell the scent of the blooms, or rub their soft petals between your fingers.
Different colors stimulate different emotions and have different meanings. For example, red symbolizes deep love and passion, pink stands for romantic love, white for peace, and yellow stimulates health and happiness. How do we extend the life of our flowers to extend the mood?
You can put carefully pruned cut flowers in water. Flowering plants will last longer since they are rooted in enriching soil which keeps them alive to go through different growth stages that include a dormancy period with no flowers and a blooming period, often with vibrant blooms.
Green foliage, even without any colorful flowers, often brightens a room and contributes to a nurturing environment. But of course, like any plant, you must take care of flowering plants, whether indoors or outdoors, and they are varying degrees of maintenance for each type. Don’t worry! There are low-maintenance flowering plants and high maintenance ones, so there are lots of options to choose from. Try giving a flowering plant to someone as a gift or giving one to yourself and see how it brightens the day.